Monday, July 21, 2014

Tinder Diaries - Part 3 Feeling totally Clueless


If you read last week's post, you probably noticed that I dropped the bomb that I have decided to quit Tinder. As promised here are the reasons why. It's simple really, I seemed to have stumbled across two types of guys: The random gone missing type and The stage 5 clinger weirdo freak. Like my title descriptions? Don't believe me? Let me refresh your memory with the spontaneous combustion that was Alex. After Alex, there was:

Crossfit guy who texted me daily pictures of his Target purchases. I love Tar-J and all but who goes there that much?! I don't need to see that you're buying new socks. Especially when you should be buying me dinner. Drinks would be ideal in this situation to find said pictures moderately entertaining.
 
After Crossfit guy, there was Lion guy. Lion guy texted me YouTube videos of lions. Yes, lions. Why he did this, I have no idea. He just came back from a Safari? Was he planning to go on a Safari? He has an extreme lion fetish? I became confused. The only thing I could think was lions and tigers and bears, oh my!
 
 
Lion guy led to Hungry guy. Hungry guy would text me asking if he should order pizza. I'm an extreme carb lover so my vote is always going to be yes when it comes to pizza. Turns out Hungry guy wasn't in the mood for pizza. Hungry guy wasn't in the mood for a sandwich, pasta, or any of my suggestions for that matter. Thai food was the object of Hungry guys desire. Now that we got that settled, I had to break the news that I was not in fact the delivery service number for Thai food. After the great food debate with Hungry guy, I figured he must have been:
 
 
Hungry guy led to Video guy. This one really freaked out my friends. He would send videos instead of text messages. Videos of him playing the guitar, Videos of him walking and talking, Videos of him explaining why the last video he tried to make didn't end up working out to his liking. I should also mention that Video guy was on a lone camping trip in the wilderness and also sent me videos of him chopping wood.
 
 
After the freakiness of Video guy I felt impotent and out of control, which Cher Horowitz and I really hate. I decided to give it one last shot and that's when I stumbled across Stage five Clinger guy. Stage five Clinger was in Remission from Cancer. 5 years cancer free! Wohoo! But he had chronic pain causing him to depend on pain medication. At first he led me to believe that he was a positive, silver lining type that was trying to get a new procedure that would enable him to go back to work as a police officer. In reality he didn't have a job, was heavily medicated, slept all day, missed his doctor's appointments, and had pictures that were 5 years old on his profile. Not to mention that he called and texted me about 75-125 times a day.
 
 
Stage five Clinger guy really left me feeling sad and icky. I mean:
 
 
None of these guys and I made it on an actual date. I just couldn't go through with any of them face to face because:
 
 
That being said. Searching for a guy on Tinder is as useless as searching for meaning in a Pauly Shore movie.
 
Has dating in this day and age made everyone totally clueless? I'd love to hear your thoughts. Comment below!
XOXO
 

25 comments:

  1. I am sad you're out, just because this is hilariously entertaining!

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  2. Great post! I love Clueless and I love how you incorporated it in your post! That said, I'm so over dating. Nevr want to go out on a date again. Well, I would if I could find a nice guy. But I really would like to know HOW and WHERE to find that nice guy first :)

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  3. Oh gosh, I'm not sure I would have trusted Tinder in the first place because of all the craziness I've heard about it! but this post was fantastic. sorry it didn't work out for you!

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  4. Clueless is such a classic movie! Love!

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  5. I love Clueless so much, I have to watch it again it's been too long! I haven't dated in over 10 years, and I'm okay with that lol

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  6. haha! you sure you want to quit tinder? seems like it could work for "research purposes!" :P

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  7. I can't believe you didn't go on a date with these guys? :)

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  8. SO funny!! Tinder sounds hilarious.

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  9. i tried online dating for a while, but only met guys like you described (but not as high on the weird scale!) I gave up on it pretty quickly. decided if i couldn't find a guy the 'old fashioned' way, i'd just stay single. good luck!

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  10. AH! I think I would be so amused by all of this!

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  11. Tinder sounds a bit mental, I've tried online dating once, that resulted in my ex and baby so I'm never very sure what I think of it :-)

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  12. I've never been on Tinder, but I can imagine there's lots of nonsense on really any dating app. Some people get lucky, but I just keep hearing about these weirdos and losers. I hope you find someone better! Maybe join a sports club or some kind of activity where you can actually meet people who have things in common with you! That way things can happen and progress more naturally. :)

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  13. P.S. You're way too pretty for those lame-ohs!

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  14. Wow lion guy got my atrention on weirdness, why the lions?

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  15. Ha ha oh my goodness you've seen it all!

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  16. Wow, you certainly met some interesting guys! The lion guy, to me, is the weirdest.

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  17. HILARIOUS!! You truly need a reality show!!!

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  18. So funny! Sounds like it was definitely time to move on though.

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  19. Haha I love the Clueless link! Luckily I've never had to try Tinder due to long term relationship but there are most definitely some strange men on the internet by the looks of things!

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  20. OH MY GOSH, Dyyyying. First of all. This post is hilarious. And the clueless snippets make it that much better.

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