If you read last week's post, you probably noticed that I dropped the bomb that I have decided to quit Tinder. As promised here are the reasons why. It's simple really, I seemed to have stumbled across two types of guys: The random gone missing type and The stage 5 clinger weirdo freak. Like my title descriptions? Don't believe me? Let me refresh your memory with the spontaneous combustion that was Alex. After Alex, there was:
Crossfit guy who texted me daily pictures of his Target purchases. I love Tar-J and all but who goes there that much?! I don't need to see that you're buying new socks. Especially when you should be buying me dinner. Drinks would be ideal in this situation to find said pictures moderately entertaining.
After Crossfit guy, there was Lion guy. Lion guy texted me YouTube videos of lions. Yes, lions. Why he did this, I have no idea. He just came back from a Safari? Was he planning to go on a Safari? He has an extreme lion fetish? I became confused. The only thing I could think was lions and tigers and bears, oh my!
Lion guy led to Hungry guy. Hungry guy would text me asking if he should order pizza. I'm an extreme carb lover so my vote is always going to be yes when it comes to pizza. Turns out Hungry guy wasn't in the mood for pizza. Hungry guy wasn't in the mood for a sandwich, pasta, or any of my suggestions for that matter. Thai food was the object of Hungry guys desire. Now that we got that settled, I had to break the news that I was not in fact the delivery service number for Thai food. After the great food debate with Hungry guy, I figured he must have been:
Hungry guy led to Video guy. This one really freaked out my friends. He would send videos instead of text messages. Videos of him playing the guitar, Videos of him walking and talking, Videos of him explaining why the last video he tried to make didn't end up working out to his liking. I should also mention that Video guy was on a lone camping trip in the wilderness and also sent me videos of him chopping wood.
After the freakiness of Video guy I felt impotent and out of control, which Cher Horowitz and I really hate. I decided to give it one last shot and that's when I stumbled across Stage five Clinger guy. Stage five Clinger was in Remission from Cancer. 5 years cancer free! Wohoo! But he had chronic pain causing him to depend on pain medication. At first he led me to believe that he was a positive, silver lining type that was trying to get a new procedure that would enable him to go back to work as a police officer. In reality he didn't have a job, was heavily medicated, slept all day, missed his doctor's appointments, and had pictures that were 5 years old on his profile. Not to mention that he called and texted me about 75-125 times a day.
Stage five Clinger guy really left me feeling sad and icky. I mean:
None of these guys and I made it on an actual date. I just couldn't go through with any of them face to face because:
That being said. Searching for a guy on Tinder is as useless as searching for meaning in a Pauly Shore movie.
Has dating in this day and age made everyone totally clueless? I'd love to hear your thoughts. Comment below!