Wednesday, May 4, 2016

Texting No Nos

It's bad enough that some guys can barely hold together a verbal conversation. It's worse when they cannot seem to keep a texting conversation from falling apart. Being the helpful soul that I am, I've compiled a list of texting no nos to help a brotha out on his bold mission of texting a girl for the first time.

1. Do not text "hey". Hay is for horses you jackass.

2. Do not text her without telling her who the fuck you are and where the fuck she would know you from. Newsflash, you're not the only dude she's given her number to this week.

3. Do not lie and say "This is Tim, remember?" When in fact your name is Billy and you are "testing" the girl. It's not funny and You will fail every time.

4. Do not text her asking for a selfie right then and there. She did not "wake up like this".

5. Do not overuse acronyms. wyd?, wryut?, OMG! WTF? man, you sound like a lazy teenager.

6. Do not send her a selfie that you don't fully feel confident about. IE awkward smiles and fucked up hair. If she was debating you before, she's fully forwarding the picture to all of her friends to get in on judgement of you.

7. Do not ask her to get together right then and there. A girl's gotta plan.

8. Do not send her a dick pic. It's not attractive in any shape or form. Refer to #6. She'll be sending this picture to all of her friends to make fun of you.

9. Do not text her while drunk. You think it's a good idea at the time but I guarantee you'll make an ass of yourself. Spelling mistakes and missing words are not cute.

10. Do not text her past 10:00. She ain't no holla back girl.

This has been a public service announcement. Thank you and you're welcome.

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