Monday, June 9, 2014

The Tinder Diaries - Part 1 - Getting over the hump

Welcome to the first installment of the Tinder Diaries. If you need a recap, click here. If you're up to speed, read further. We last left off with me signing up for Tinder and having a short lived excitement about how many matches I had. With hesitation, I proceeded to chat with my many matches and found myself feeling comfortable with one in particular, We shall call him Jay. Jay is 34, works in Marketing, loves dogs as well as the outdoors. We also have a mutual friend in common.

After about a week chatting through Tinder, he asked for my number and said we should 'meet up for drinks'. First thought: Do guys not buy a girl dinner anymore? Asking a girl to meet for drinks is kind of like setting up an audition to see if I'm worthy enough to actually take out on a date. Nevertheless, I agreed and gave him my number because after all, all of the cool kids are doing it these days.

A few days of texting led to a phone call from Jay. I was pleased that he didn't have a girly voice and seemed happy go lucky and cheery. It was a short 20 minute chat and all in all I'd say a success. I was able to dig a little bit deeper during the conversation and find out that Jay is 5 ft 9. Red-flag number 2. Those who know me well know I'm a total height snob. I'm only 5 ft 3 myself but always seem to date guys over 6 ft. Let me state that I'm not a total bitch, I just know what I'm attracted to. But he looked cute and rugged in his pictures and seemed fairly normal, so we agreed that we should go out for said drinks on that coming Saturday, which was a few days later.

Cut to Saturday, the day of the drinks. I was out running errands and hanging with some girlfriends when I received a text from Jay at 3:30pm asking 'what are you up to?' I gave him my status to which he replied 'Just got home from the beach, going to workout'. Ok cool guy. I asked 'Are we still on for drinks later?' Jay tells me he's good if I am.... I ask if he has a place and time in mind... he says he'll call me on the way home from the gym. Ok, great.

It's now 5:40pm with no phone call, text, or update from Jay. This annoys me. I call my girlfriend, Amanda to discuss my annoyance. Dating gives me such anxiety. I'm a total planner. One that likes to know where I'm going and what time so I can figure out appropriate outfit choices and give myself plenty of time to get ready and shave my legs if need be. Amanda knows this about me so she suggests to ease my nerves we pick a spot, go for a drink and invite Jay along or meet up with him after. Someone has to take the bull by the horns so I texted Jay telling him the plan, 'I'll be at the tipsy goat with some friends at 8:30pm'. Jay thinks this is great, he loves the tipsy goat. Well isn't that just fantastic?!

It's now 8:40pm at the tipsy goat, my friends and I are sitting on the patio outside, ordering drinks when Jay makes his arrival. He's short. Shorter than 5 ft 9. I'd honestly say he's 5 ft7 on a good day. He's rugged like in his pictures but looks a lot older in person. I can tell that he definitely likes the outdoors, he should seriously start using sunscreen. I don't want to say the word wrinkles... but... wrinkles.
*Here's my wing woman, Amanda and I sneaking in a bathroom selfie that oddly resembles one of those mall shots that we all used to take in high school.


After introducions and a few drinks, we decided to head inside the bar where we could play games such as shuffleboard and darts. Amanda and I are highly competitive so we got really into wanting to beat everyone willing to play us. We were all laughing and hooting and hollering and whatnot and dare I say having a good time! And that's when it happened, I can't believe I found him. I found Waldo! I was so happy to have achieved this! I think he was happy too. Jay decided to call his friend to come join in on the shenanigans. I think he just needed someone else on his team because Amanda and I were killing it!

Enter Mark. Very tall, very goodlooking, and rugged in all of the right kind of ways. He looked like a lumberjack. I'm pretty sure I even mentioned this to him. Amanda looked at me and mouthed that Mark was more my type than Jay. So sad. How exactly does one pull off the old I came here to date him but I'd rather date you switcheroo?! No go. Nevertheless, everyone ended up leaving the same way that they came. Mark and Jay each went home alone and I left with my friends.

All in all I'd say the date was fine. I'm not looking for 'fine'. Don't get me wrong, Jay is a really nice guy. I wouldn't say he's someone that I wouldn't ever want to be friends with, but it's safe to say that the friend zone is where he will be staying. Apparently Jay put me in the friend zone as well, because the next day he texted me with 'That was fun, we should do it again sometime'. Sometime?! If you're romantically interested in a girl you don't utter the word 'sometime'. To me that's like saying I should get my car smogged sometime or paint my whole house sometime. Yes, those would be good things to do sometime.

Or did Jay put me in the friend zone? This is what really confuses me. The following week, Jay texted me with 'How was your weekend?' It was great, thanks. Then another week later, I got the same text 'How was your weekend?' Are we starting to notice a pattern here? Why do guys do that? I almost feel that they try to keep a connection to save for a rainy day. At the same time they don't officially put themselves out there because it's not like they're technically asking you out so if you were to go mute, they wouldn't technically take it as rejection. Newsflash, this is why you're turning 35 and still single.

My friend, Sara suggested that I let Jay know that I am not interested in him. I agree, Jay needs to be informed. It's been 3 weeks since we went out, I haven't seen or talked to him (besides great weekend text updates). But I feel awkward responding to 'How was your weekend?' with 'I'm sorry, but I'm not interested in dating you, take care now'. I decided to do the phase out method unless he decided to grow a pair and ask me out again, in that case I'd be honest.

The following Wednesday I received yet another text from Jay, but this time it wasn't the 'How was your weekend?' text that I was expecting. It was 'Guess what day it is?' Immediately followed by 'It's hump day!' and an Emoji of a camel. I kid you not! It's just... I mean.... seriously?! Seriously! I have no words. I cut it off cold turkey right there and then. Ignoring the text and blocking him from Tinder. Hopefully he'll get it. I'm sorry if I sound like a total bitch but I just can't. I already have a calendar, so there's really no use for Jay. Let's all bid farewell to Jay as he rides off into the sunset on his camel.

                           Be sure and stay tuned for the next edition of The Tinder Diaries.
                                                                          XOXO

21 comments:

  1. Can guys please start buying girls dinner again!! Jeeze its not that hard! haha I love the waldo reference!

    ReplyDelete
  2. Replies
    1. I agree! Who knew phone calls would be obsolete?!

      Delete
  3. omg...i'm so glad texting wasn't around when I was dating.

    ReplyDelete
  4. hahahaha, loved it. Keep them tinder diaries coming and you are not a bitch you are just being real and I love that about you x

    ReplyDelete
  5. Hahaha, I had a similar situation to this, except a friend of mine saw a guy somewhere, thought he'd be a good one for me, gave him my number and told me about it later AFTER he was texting me. She told me he was tall, worked out, really attractive, and super funny. He didn't have a car, so I went to pick him up to hang out one night and he was nothing like my friend described and definitely not the type of guy I'd ever go for. I was baffled hahaha. Nice guy, but no.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Not having a car would be my first red-flag! haha. Glad I'm not alone!

      Delete
  6. LOL waldo... nice. Why do guys lie about their height... just be honest, it's not like we aren't going to find out!

    ReplyDelete
  7. This reminds me of that episode of SATC where Berger tells Miranda that, "He's Just Not That Into You!" I'm sorry you had this experience but I guess it's a good way to find THE one when you go through a bunch of mismatches, no matter how you get there! :) I wish you good luck! <3

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hahaha. Story of my life! Let's face it though, I wasn't really that into him either! Thank you for the luck and encouragement! :)

      Delete
  8. Guys can be SO weird. Tinder has showed me the true awkwardness that is men and trying to make conversation.

    And I am a total height snob too - though I'm 5'7, so I've got better reason than you ;) We can trade, so I can be 5'3 and I'll be okay dating a 5'9 guy!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Haha. Deal! I'd love longer legs! :)

      Delete
  9. Guys are such a funny species eh? He was probably just trying to make conversation with the hump day text, trying to disguise it with humour.

    ReplyDelete
  10. Too funny! Guys are so weird sometimes.

    ReplyDelete
  11. Totally relate to the height snob. I never wanted to date anyone below 6ft. Just a weird preference I had. And now I have my 6'6'' husband. :)

    ReplyDelete
  12. I can't stop laughing.. HUMP DAY!! .. Next time he txt you "guess what day it is?" you should reply the day I regret giving you my number!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hahaha. I don't think I'll be hearing from this one again!

      Delete
  13. height snob?! girlfriend, you ain't got any wiggle room! I'm 5'7"! You'd be surprised by how many guys are shorter than that......
    It's ridiculous. Can't I just find a nice guy who's tall enough that I can wear my four inch heels around?
    hopefully the next one isn't a dud!

    ReplyDelete
  14. Oh my gosh hahaha! Looking forward to following your Tinder experiences :)

    ReplyDelete